114.6kg Gym scale reading

I am at the gym, just did 30 minutes cardio and 15 or so minutes on the weights. I skipped the weight machines that would have caused a strain on my knee. I am officially a person with knee problems, it locks whenever and am generally aware of it by the numbish pain around the joint. So I have decided to lay off running or jogging for a while and do the eliptical(????) machines at the gym. I reckon as soon as I can swim sort of properly I should do that more often. I will still run a 5km race by year end but am cooling it on cement running.
This week I am doing Phase 1 of the south beach diet and am intending on following through for reAL THIS TIME. I will do phase 1, then 2 and eat for life like that. I am determined to lose this lard. I was playing with my daughter yesterday and I kept remembering a promise I made to her about how I would have conqured this hill by her age 2. If i am to live up to that I have less than 7 months.
I was reading an interview on the O magazine about practical living, where you do it anyway. That's sort of my philosophy but on and off. The guy says be scared of failure but do what you have to do inspite of it. Forget going to your past to heal wounds, act in the now and get confidence boosters in the present. Those heal a low self esteem in the present. Cause truly i have looked at things in my past for so long:
I know i loved my grandmother and she loved me back with a passion and I HAVENT BEEN loved like that since
I know some creap had me in his flat at age 4/5 and fed me fish paste and might have fondled with my privates, my mom mantains that I definately was not penetrated. I know that i might have been as I didnt bleed the first time i had intercourse but I have no memory of it so why dwell on a maybe.
I know i was a fat kid that led to low self esteem and led me to look for comfort in excelling at school. Thats why I was obsessed with coming top of the class, cause i had nothing else going for me,
I know all of these things and I have analysed them, thats why I accepted bad relationships cause I did not think i was worthy of more. of devotion and unconditional love. I went pass that stage and have moved, so all that is needed is action. I want to loose weight, what must be done. I need to improve my earnings, what must be done. Just do, do and if you fail brush yourself up and continue doing, that is what will develop a sense of trust in me.