This blog, my weightloss plans became irrelevant so long ago but I haven't the courage to delete it. It would be like the end of a chapter which I haven't ended. I still struggle with my weight or rather my eating. I have ballooned, don't ask me when last I saw a scale. So the question remains though, why am I so challenged in this area? Is it self love, bad habits that are too hard to break, not being connected to my purpose? I don't know...... So anyway my coming back to this blog is not for weightloss, but more about shedding, I want to shed identities I have accumulated over the years. Nothing like losing an identity that makes you want to explore why you needed that identity in the first place, one would argue that I am just comforting myself. I don't think I am, I don't have a paying job which means I am not employed, I am not an employee. Now I must resist wanting to suddenly fit into another box of self employment or consultant or entrepreneur. I must be comfortable with just being. Just like I have a child, a partner both very wonderful gifts really but I am tempted to resist being a mother or a wife. I am resisting the set of expectations that come with wife and appealing to my partner to a relaxed understanding of what I am to be to him. Cant we just love one another without all these strict rules. Not long ago I was very willing to go along with the world's rules, I wanted to have a reputable career, a PhD (?), live in a certain area but its so tiring. What I need is PEACE, I choose PEACE. So I am shedding. Don't get me wrong, I still need to eat, shelter, freedom to move around and my child needs an education (though home school is an option I think about a lot!!) but I want it all in my life, all of it must bring peace.
That is now the challenge I sit with, supporting my life while I carve how I can live this out...that is more relevant than losing weight!
Saturday, 6 June 2015
I guess inherent in changing a career is meeting people who are younger that are much further on the ladder than one. I say this because yesterday, our entrepreneur visitor/speaker at Maiden Support was a 21 year old branch manager of an internet cafe group that focuses on township areas. HE spoke very well and I think the girls identified with him, if not a bit too much. One of the things I have come to appreciate with human beings is that if someone is of higher knowledge skill, prettier or wealthier, we tend to respect them more. So we listen well and give them much more respect. This gentlemen was not that respected, but I bet you if he came in a benz and wore expensive shoes, he would have had those maidens eating off the palm of his hand. Which says a lot about how much people respect brands
ITs impossible to be unaware of your health status when you have a discovery medical aid and vitality. To accumulate points you do or maybe I do everything they want me to do. I signed up for gym but now I actually have to go, and see you have to sign in so you have to go to keep getting more points. So in my cycle of number of times I go, I had to come today or else I miss the 2 in a period of .....dont even remember all I know is today I had to sign into gym. SO driving back from a friends' braai I see a Virgin active and yep I come in. but what to do, kinda tipsy, I have my gym bag in the boot but no, i'kll come in and surf the net. I really should be coming more and I promise myself I will come especially when I am back at home and my daughter wants to go to the gym, cause there is club Vmax and she can swim. SO next week I'll do better, there's just no justifying my size.