This blog, my weightloss plans became irrelevant so long ago but I haven't the courage to delete it. It would be like the end of a chapter which I haven't ended. I still struggle with my weight or rather my eating. I have ballooned, don't ask me when last I saw a scale. So the question remains though, why am I so challenged in this area? Is it self love, bad habits that are too hard to break, not being connected to my purpose? I don't know...... So anyway my coming back to this blog is not for weightloss, but more about shedding, I want to shed identities I have accumulated over the years. Nothing like losing an identity that makes you want to explore why you needed that identity in the first place, one would argue that I am just comforting myself. I don't think I am, I don't have a paying job which means I am not employed, I am not an employee. Now I must resist wanting to suddenly fit into another box of self employment or consultant or entrepreneur. I must be comfortable with just being. Just like I have a child, a partner both very wonderful gifts really but I am tempted to resist being a mother or a wife. I am resisting the set of expectations that come with wife and appealing to my partner to a relaxed understanding of what I am to be to him. Cant we just love one another without all these strict rules. Not long ago I was very willing to go along with the world's rules, I wanted to have a reputable career, a PhD (?), live in a certain area but its so tiring. What I need is PEACE, I choose PEACE. So I am shedding. Don't get me wrong, I still need to eat, shelter, freedom to move around and my child needs an education (though home school is an option I think about a lot!!) but I want it all in my life, all of it must bring peace.
That is now the challenge I sit with, supporting my life while I carve how I can live this out...that is more relevant than losing weight!