For the 12 days i have not been exercising, yes it started out with it being cold and i was lazy to get up but this week i do get up at 4 am and it's not that cold but i havent gotten back to my previous level of motivation. I weighed in at 114kg this week and i have been generally eating badly. Saw an oprah show where they were discussing how Gastric bypass surgery is not the solution to weight loss, one needs to get to the bottom of why they overeat, why do i use food to numb my feelings, what am i numbing, when did this start. Anyway for a moment i tought why the heck not, i am so tired of being obese and living like this(i know i have done it for all my life but i just want it to stop). I hate being a walking poster for personal problems,
'yha that one over-indulges, she doesnt have the breaks' or worse 'she doesnt love herself enough'. that's what Oprah always says and to a degree it rings true, i have been contaminating my life with everything. the way i allow people to treat me, let me not say people 'my boyfriend' is the culprit. We are constantly fighting and when i sit down and analyse it, WHY, why am i in a dysfunctional relationship. I am not going to lie and say for my baby cause i knew we were no good before she came along but i stayed. in a way i fear he will cut all ties with her if i end the relationship, so i stay on the fence.
Anyway I need to sort that one out but more importantly right here and now I have to lose the weight.