Monday, 9 November 2009

Confidence in a relationship

I have been seeing someone for months now. He is great and I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and he knows it and there's complications. He lives far, he has a child- thats allowed I have a child. Thats not what's really complicating things really.
Damnit I love him (I must stop saying dammit cause mmy daughter's now picking it up and she thinks its a good word. I tried to get her to say DD instead of dammnit and i try to say that too but I am not succeding, she tells me "I don't want to say DD I want to say Dammit". I swear thats the only bad word i use and for her sake I will stop).
So love is a funny thing cause you want to be perfect infact you want your best self to show. The higher me, that I know is there, thats what i want my partner to see but i know the other parts of me will come out. Like this weekend I lost the car keys, must have dropped them outside while walking in BUT the whole experience illuminated that I am careless(I loose things seriously), I procrastinate (he had long advised me to get a spare key since I have not asked for my other one from my now ex-baby father), it came out that I am bit messy with my wardrobe, i mean not that he did not see the wardrobe is a bit messy but he had time while looking for the keys to check out each shelf. Even looked at my books, am sure he now knows where to find the diary.
So the best self is not the one that always shines, and after a while the partner does pick up that body size issues are important and what i eat etc. Because well i go to gym and I use artificial sweetner, which he refuses to use by the way. Mind you he could loose a few but ofcourse I accept him as he is but somehow I am concious about my but and love handles.
My crazy self has been beautifying me, and as much as i am going to gym for me, I have been thinking its a sure way to keep a boyfriend. Sure there's the emotional but attraction and feeling confident is a big part of it.

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