I should be locked away somewhere

I have climbed to 118KG, I was so ashamed a while back but now i think i am fine. I have stopped the patch so my mood has improved, i refuse to blame the patch for all the eating i did in stockholm. I was just down 50% of the time. Anyway I decided on Tuesday that I have a great deal of problems so let me choose one to focus on and weight loss was it. I really want it is an understatement, the past few days I have been looking at my daughter and thinking how i promised that by the time she is two i will not be fat. SHe turns 2 in six months. Maybe I have ran out of time but this battle with the bulge i have to win. I went to the gym today, that's the first step I guess

When you need help

I am disgusted at myself. It seems such a trend, during the week i dont do so bad but weekends i just wolf junk. I havent been exercising very well and it would be so easy to blame my daughter Cos the minute i am around her she wants me and only me, i cant get up early to go jog cos she wont let me out her sight. But i cant blame the kid,i know i am adorable and the BEST MOMMY in the whole world(that could have something to do with my irresistible yummy milk coming from the boobs). What i mean is i always had solutions, when i could exercise in winter i had an alternative, i parked far and walked. Now i just have excuses and it's showing. I cant start my new job like this, at least i must be the same. i can't go home having gained.
So i am slowly going to do the right thing, cereal with 2% milk and salads, salads, salads.
i dont know about the exercise, i wish i had a stationery bike. i wish i knew how to bike and had a real bike and could cicyle to work.
In other news, i am not pregnant, the period has confirmed, all that worrying for nothing. Which then neccessitate i visit my gynae and discuss the patch as a contraceptive alternative for me. I hate the pills and the injection. they mess with my hormones and i eat a lot and and and and they are just not my favourite OK.